But today I find myself wanting to go home so badly. I want to hold my nephew, tease him, kiss him. To have him say “auntie stop” but I know that he still wants me to tickle him because as soon as I stop he would back to me for more. I want to be frustrated by my family, be annoyed by the poor decisions my little sister repeatedly makes but is unwilling to see. Hate that my older sister has sacrificed part of her for some one who would never do the same. Wish that my twin could find some one who sees the beauty that I see in her. Learn from the strong woman that my dad was so lucky to find. Make fun of my dads gray hair as he turns 50, tease him that I am responsible for at least 20% of them. Eager to get to know my brother who has been a stranger to me for so many years. I want to hold my best friend when she hurts, know that other friends my have grown apart but still have the friendship that brought us together so many years ago. I am a 26 year old woman who wants to lay my head on my moms lap and have her scratch my back and tell me it will be okay. As my other mom tells me that tomorrow is a new day that will bring new challenges, new opportunities and new moments that will take our breath away. And I realize Dorothy was right “There is no place like home”

My Home Away From Home

Two days, two days till I have to return to working 7 days a week, 10 hours a day. What am I thinking? I have a headache and a zit on my forehead. I think, actually, I know that both are caused by anxiety and nerves of returned to the ship. My handover notes from the current Captain's Secretary just arrived via e-mail. I fell like I have never done this job and am stepping into something new. More life flinging myself off a cliff into a unknown very dark world below. In no time I will realize that I only fell one foot onto a soft mattress and I am okay. And it was only dark because I had the lights turned off and the windows closed. It just sounds so much more dramatic plummeting to certain disaster. I wonder where I get this drama queen attitude. Any suggestions? Wish me luck.

Today I went and saw the man I should have babies with. It is certain they will come out red headed and feisty. What more could I ask for? I met my best friend Red on the first cruise ship I worked on and fell in love immediately. We are pirates of the sea together! So yes, **Pirate** I am very familiar of the ways of the way of a pirate. My nickname is dirty pirate hooker and was almost my blog name. Figured Red headed step child of an addict was a little more appropriate. Once again today, as i have had this relization many times throughout my vacation, it is blankly obvious I have some of the best people in my life and could not ask for more... except maybe that Coach bag... aww Daddy and Em thanks for the bad habbit of wanting pricey and pretty things.

Love you!

I am off to pop an asprin and take a hot bath to cure this headache...

I have managed to successfully post my first HNT picture. Yeah!

My stepmom swears by this. Just recently being home we sat one day and she explained the impact it had on her life. How she has been able to connect with her family. The thought crossed my mind that... hmmm. Might not be such a bad idea. I travel alot and am rarely home so this is a good way to stay in contact with my family... I left it at just that. A thought. I left Oregon and continued on my travels not really thinking of this bloggin thing again. Then last night I was packing to return to work on a the ship when I realized I have stopped writing my poetry. This is what I started to write.

Sometimes I wonder if I purposely forget to write.
Because if I do then maybe I will not remember.
It is a joke because I can not erase a memory.
Espically those that are so deeply etched into my heart.
Those moments haunting me forever, acts reciting in my mind and a word always exposing inself to me in remberance of the past.

Not sure if it is finished yet, but it made me realize I can't let go of a passion. So I decided to start a blog where I can write, anytime and all the time.